Spoiler Alert: He did phone home.

Movie: E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial

Rank: 24

Year: 1982

Director: Steven Spielberg

Cast: Drew Barrymore, Henry Thomas, Robert MacNaughton

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(Ringing from the phone fills the empty room. Ring. Ring. Ring. A pause, before a voice starts emanating from the answering machine.)

Outgoing Message: “You have reached the Terrestrials, Stan, Linda, Gilbert and Extra. Sorry we missed your call, please leave a voicemail after the beep.”

(A high-pitched “beeeeep” indicates the start of recording.)

E.T.: (in a slow, raspy voice) “Gillll… berttt. Gillllllllll… bertttttt.”

(A rapid shuffle. A long, brown hand reaches for the phone.)

Gilbert: “E.T., is that you?”

E.T.: “E.T…. phonnnne… home.”

Gilbert: (somewhat perplexed) “I think we have a bad connection, you sound like you’re in outer space!”

E.T.: “E.T…. phonnnne… home.”

Gilbert: “I don’t know what you want. Just come by. Mom and Dad have been worried, be careful.”

E.T.: “Be good.”

(Gilbert reached to hang up the ph…)

Yes, I’ve seen E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial.

How long has it been? I don’t know, maybe like 20 years.

I know I said I’d re-watch all the movies on the list, but I’m running low on time. I thought I could cut corners.

Oh, it’s not about him just calling home? I mean, I remember stuff. He calls home. He is dressed like a girl. Drew Barrymore is an adorable child.

HE DIES? Really?! I guess I should watch it again, after all. Hold on! I’ll be right back.

[The voiceover from SpongeBob SquarePants proclaims “One hour and fifty-five minutes later.”]

"E.T.... phone... home"

- E.T., E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial

E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial is among the myriad of nostalgic films peppered throughout my childhood. Unlike TheGoonies of the world, it stayed in that childhood with a faint sentiment of ambivalence attached. As I reflect, it wouldn’t be a far stretch to say my sister’s disdain for the film rubbed off on me.

However, it became evident quickly into the film that this was being watched with born-again virgin eyes. Little did I recall other than those quotes which infiltrated the zeitgeist.

Essentially, during a trip to Earth, the titular character is left behind only to be found by Elliot, the middle child of divorced parents. Soon his older brother, Michael, and younger sister, Gertie, meet their unexpected house guest.

E.T. is a squatty, brown alien with large bug eyes on a large bug head and gnarly feet. His hand and heart glow. He is also a fan of Reese’s Pieces, which makes no sense without the added context of marketing. I wonder if M&M’s regretted passing on this product placement? They should. Also, who is really seeking out Reese’s Pieces. Might I suggest some Peanut Butter M&M’s?

E.T. has seemingly magical powers, much like an alien Matilda, with the ability to make things float or make flowers bloom. Somehow, he links with Elliot, even resulting in young Elliot becoming drunk after E.T. wanders into the family’s fridge and drinks beer.

During a drunken outburst at school, Elliot frees the frogs they are about to dissect. I did have a fake frog autopsy kit as a child, but the reality of slicing and dicing makes my skin crawl. Can we as a society really be shocked when Elliot in elementary school isn’t prepared to become an amphibian murderer? I should say I am assuming this is elementary school, but as my sister can attest, my ability to judge age is not the best. For all I can tell, the ladies of Golden Girls are gearing up for their high school reunion.

And just for your nightmares, during The Great Escape: frog edition, there is a blonde girl with braided pigtails holding the fleeing frogs with bewildered, yet bulging eyes.

Also a result of their unexplainable connection, as E.T. watches The Quiet Man (which I would argue is a better John Wayne film than The Searchers), Elliot stands on a fellow classmate to give a sweeping kiss to a girl. Here is your friendly reminder that consent is king!

"I'll believe in you all my life, everyday. E.T.... I love you."

-Elliot, E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial

Meanwhile, Gertie is becoming the youngest linguist in America teaching E.T. English. Here we see the emergence of his oft-quoted phrase to phone home and together this trio of siblings set out to help make this goal a reality.

Don’t forget, Gertie is also the youngest stylist in America helping E.T. don a full fashion lewk, with a wig and dress.

On Halloween, they sneak E.T. out as a ghost while their mom goes to get her freak on dressed as a leopard. Snaps for Mary as she goes to get her groove back. Also, snaps to the random child with the most legitimate Yoda costume I have ever seen; almost certainly due to Lucasfilm being behind the special effects. However, Elliot wakes up in the woods the next day without E.T. Michael ventures out to discover the friendly, neighborhood alien is a near-death state, a condition being reflected in Elliot’s own health.

"You could be happy here, I could take care of you. I wouldn't let anybody hurt you. We could grow up together, E.T."

-Elliot, E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial

Here is where shit gets weird in only that way 80’s movies allow. Men in full-on space suits descend upon the house. I guess you could call them Terranauts (Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. Like astronauts, but on Earth). Soon quarantined within the house, it appears Elliot and E.T. are both marching toward death’s door when Elliot makes a miraculous recovery and E.T. seemingly dies. The flower he revived, now decaying.

Then, in a turn of events necessary to not traumatize an entire generation, the flower starts to bloom as E.T. is revived.

Michael and Elliot hatch a plan, which shockingly goes awry by their lack of covertness. However, as he leaves in a stolen van, Michael recruits his three nerd friends who hat-up for their adventure in alien preservation. One donning a page-boy hat for sure grows up to be Finch in American Pie, while the other two hit the road dressed as a trucker and a home-robber. Bike-bound, they set out toward a meeting place. Thank God for bikes, as we find out Michael is uncomfortable driving forward in the van. How? How has he only driven in reverse?

Still being chased, E.T. floats them all above the ground and they land in the woods where he will be greeted by his alien companion returning to Earth. In the woods, joined by a friendly government agent, they say goodbye to E.T. as he sets back out toward the stars.

Feeling more like high schoolers who don’t know a hashtag is a pound sign, every couple of minutes I was reminded of scenes from Stranger Things. The shed meet-up at the start of the film, the bike scenes, the character with powers at the center and even a costume similar to one donned by Eleven all made me reminisce to those Netflix binges. With each revelation, I reminded myself that is an homage to this, not the inverse.

Nonetheless, I left this movie with a more positive view than before. I have a hard time saying it is the 24th best film of all time, but it has become iconic.