Spoiler Alert: Making a Mobster

Movie: The Godfather

Rank: 2

Year: 1972

Director: Francis Ford Coppola

Cast: Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, James Caan, Robert Duvall, John Cazale, Talia Shire

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My Dad wanted to watch with me as I saw The Godfather for the first time. My sister? Not so much, but she was lured in by dinner and trapped for the viewing endeavor. There may have been the added bonus of needing my Dad’s DVDs of the trilogy, but let’s just say my motivations were pure. This also marks the first time in this blogging experience I’ve had anyone with which to watch a movie off the list.*

I mean, could a movie be more hyped? Ranked second on the list, it is supposedly better than all films other than the revolutionary Citizen Kane? And have you ever noticed it’s typically men who bring up The Godfather? There seems something so inherently masculine about the whole thing. Going into this movie, my foundational knowledge consisted of Tom Hank’s references in You’ve Got Mail and that bit in Rugrats in Paris.

Nonetheless, I ponied up for almost three hours of what amounted to “Making a Mobster.” I can’t say it was unenjoyable, though additional screenings will be needed to gain a full opinion on the whole thing. Plus, my Dad maintains The Godfather II is better, which time will tell since it is also on the list. Though, my greatest source of satisfaction and biggest takeaway are all the references I can now understand. Tom Hanks, however, did a better job at explaining what it means “to go to the mattresses.”

Was I the only one sleeping on the fact Buddy, the Elf’s dad is one of the Corleones? Also, totally unaware Robert Duvall was in this film. Maybe this is a subpar outing for a self-proclaimed (though, well externally validated) pop culture buff, but there it is.

I will say this movie had a great arc. The opening at the wedding, with Al Pacino’s Michael introducing his girlfriend to the family. The military man with his clean hands, while his father has dirty dealings in the back room with his godson. The movie star falling from grace stops by, begging for help to land the role he wants. Ending with a baptism, Michael now married to that girlfriend and himself a godfather. It all reeks of the mafia stereotypes.

"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse."

- Don Corleone, The Godfather

This is where I say, in no uncertain terms, I never need to see a horse’s bleeding head in a bed again. Truly disgusting.

Let’s take a minute to do a quick breakdown of the family:

• Vito Corleone, Mob Boss extraordinaire. This man possesses a raspy voice, but a surprisingly unending love for his family.

• Michael Corleone, the favorite child. Having joined the military, he was supposed to have more than the mobster way of life.

• Sonny Corleone, the hot head and presumed heir to this family dynasty. Loyal to the family, but was there really any way he would make it to the end of the film with his impulsiveness?

• Fredo Corleone, the often-forgotten son. Even after Sonny’s death, no one is really clamoring for him to become the heir apparent.

• Tom Hagen, the consigliere. He was raised as one of them and serves as the family lawyer.

• Connie Corleone, the daughter. Her marriage opens and closes the film.

• Carlo Rizzi, Connie’s abusive husband. Really, what else should be said? He’s the worst.

• Kay Adams, Michael’s girlfriend he straight-up ghosts for years, only to marry her in the end. What started out a sweet relationship really takes a turn to a woman trapped in a mob life.

Soon we get into the business of it all, with Vito Corleone turning down the opportunity to get into the drug business, which serves as a catalyst for what will eventually be an all-out war of the five families. Soon, we see Vito, played by Brando, taken down by a barrage of bullets. I definitely thought he was supposed to be the main character of this movie, but really doubted his ability to survive all of that. But hey, what do I know? Dude made it out banged up, but alive.

While thwarting another attempt on his father’s life, Michael takes a punch to the face which must have been by Rocky Balboa himself, because this hit left discoloration on the face that lasted years. Following the attack, he volunteers to carry out a hit on their enemies which is the first time a door is truly opened for the golden boy to join the family business. However, the threat on his life is too great and he runs off to Italy for protection.

I am not here to judge women. However, Kay, what were you thinking? You could do so much better! Michael runs off to Italy without any warning, after stringing you along. Then he marries another woman rather quickly and with no regard for you at all. She literally blows up, a tragic death instantly reminiscent of Dylan’s wife on 90210. He comes home, waits a year, and then stops by your place of work to pick you up. And you do it? Do you even know about the first wife? Does anyone in the family? Did you honestly believe him when he said the family business was going to become legitimate? I mean, I know this is supposed to be many decades ago, but we need to teach women their worth!

Michael’s first, sweet Italian wife who dies tragically does seem to restore an innocence to Michael. Maybe she really is the one he should have married. She is also the one who says those famous lines, “Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday.” Maybe it’s from hearing Tom Hanks recite them so many times over the years, but I truly assumed a man said this statement.

"It's not personal, Sonny. It's strictly business."

- Michael Corleone, The Godfather

Meanwhile, Sonny in a hot rage bangs up Carlo after he attacks Connie, threatening him if it were to happen again. It does happen again, which prompts Sonny to speed away to her rescue and Carlo’s likely demise. Before he can get there, he is killed by a rival family. There is some blame placed on Carlo, but they let it pass. At least for a few years. (Spoiler Alert: He eventually dies).

With Sonny’s death and everyone’s lack of faith in Fredo, Michael takes on the role as the next Don. (Don means the head honcho, and is not a name, despite my initial assumptions). He eventually sends Tom off to Las Vegas, as they did with Fredo.

Vito Corleone dies while playing with his grandson. One of his few truly sweet moments in the film. At his funeral, a betrayal they were warned about occurs and Michael puts certain moves into place.

Meanwhile, Connie has another baby and asks Kay to get Michael to be the godfather. The day of the baptism, Michael sends his men out to kill the Dons of the rival families. After the baptism, one more hit takes place on that beloved, abusive dick of a husband married to Connie. Furious, Connie accuses Michael of the murder to Kay. He denies it, but Kay soon realizes the truth as the men defer to his leadership and his office door is closed as she watches on. In as clear a metaphor as anyone could muster, the day Michael becomes a literal godfather is also the day he becomes the Godfather.

"Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."

- Peter Clemenza, The Godfather

The dedication to the look of the film, the conceit carried throughout, the acting, the famous Francis Ford Coppola direction. It all adds up to a movie on the list. Do I think it is the second greatest film of all time? I don’t know, probably not. But personal preference and critical acclaim are rarely ever held in the same regard. Plus, men are so often in the decision-making positions on these things and I can see how this sustains a very male appeal with the maintenance of power through a combination of suave class and brute force.

Also, I am calling bull shit on the fact Al Pacino was nominated as a supporting character at the Oscars. I know Marlon Brando is on the poster, but this truly felt like the rise of Michael. He had subplots and drama unlike the other characters and a full character transformation unlike any other.

Maybe it’s just me, and the fact so many of the movies on the list feature Al Pacino and Dustin Hoffman, but I definitely think they look fairly similar in their younger years.

Now, I really just want a cannoli.

* You may recall I watched All the President’s Men in a theater. This was the first time I had intentional viewing companions. I may be related to those companions, but it still counts.